


I'll Bury My Love

by ErinTimber



Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:55:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24571918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ErinTimber/pseuds/ErinTimber
Summary: i started playing through the series again and the dalish elf origin story always hurt me so-- here you go. you're welcome? 'tis a quick little oneshot, but i hope you enjoy!
Relationships: Tamlen/Female Warden (Dragon Age), Zevran Arainai/Female Warden
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	I'll Bury My Love

Lyna was a strong girl. Always had been. A strong hunter, a strong fighter, a strong dalish. Even when she had been told her father was killed and her mother gave herself to the moonlight, she had been strong. Sad, but she smiled through the grief. 

She was brought to Ostagar before she could even grieve over Tamlen. She did not know where he was, if he was truly dead or if he had befallen an even worser fate, but she had to be strong. She was to be a Grey Warden, a warrior, a fighter against the darkspawn, and she did not have time to grieve. 

Ostagar fell in a twisted turn of cruel events. Alistair lost his family in one night. She had watched the human grieve for Duncan, for the Grey Wardens, and she envied him for it. There was no time for her to be weak. She had to be strong. For Alistair, for Ferelden. They were the last Grey Wardens, the only hope for anyone to survive this. 

She had done well, she was told. Saving the circle, ridding a young mage of a demon, curing the Arl with sacred ashes that had only been found after subjecting herself to painful memories, and repairing a bridge between a dalish clan and those cursed from the moon. It all sounded impossible. But she had done so with minimal bloodshed, had tried to be strong to keep as many people alive and unharmed. It was a feat not many could manage, and she had done it.

They had not expected the ambush. How could they? Resting after doing so much, they were focused on healing and replenishing their lost energy. The battle was over as fast as it had begun, though it left unease over the camp. Now, their own campsite wasn't safe. 

Her Dalish eyes, trained for hunting, caught the movement even from the dark reaches of the camp. She could only see the outline of a figure around her size, wearing what looked to be leather armour, and-- 

She saw pointed ears. 

She heard the hoarse call of her name, and her wall crumbled. She said his name, barely above a whisper, scared she was still dreaming and this was another cruel tirade of her mind. He retreated as she reached out to him, and she followed, his name falling from her lips, louder, calling to him as she often did in her dreams.

He did not run far, looking at her with the grey-blue eyes she had fallen in love with. His pupils were milky, and the whites of his eyes were bloodshot, but the colour was still there. Her heart broke as she saw what he had become. Skin darkened with sickness, hair gone, Vallaslin faded. He was a shell of what he once was, but he still said her name like he always had. 

"Tamlen." 

"Don't… Don't come. Stay. Away. Lethallan. Please." 

"Tamlen, we can help. We can help you." 

"No. No help. For me. The song. It's… it is too. Loud. It wants me to hurt. Kill. I can't. End it, lethallan. Please." 

No. No, she couldn't. She had accepted he was gone, accepted she wouldn't see him again, but now here he was, sickly and asking her to kill him. Her tears blurred her vision, burning her eyes as she tried to be strong. 

"I wish we had never gone into that cave," she said brokenly, as if that could fix the damage the Eluvian had done. As if it would cure Tamlen and bring him back to her. 

A ghost of a smile tilted his cracked lips as he gave a hoarse agreement, stepping close to her and grabbing her hand that held her dagger. His hand shook. 

The end of her blade pressed against Tamlen's chest, and a broken noise fell from her lips. She saw a glimpse of the elf she had fallen in love with in the sick eyes she stared into, saw the little bit of sanity left. She wished she could bring it back, urge it out and have Tamlen back. 

"I have always. Loved. You." 

He had been the one to pull her hand closer, to sink the dagger into his heart. She cried as she finished what he had started, pushed until the hilt of her dagger met the remains of his armour. The little bit of life that Tamlen was holding onto seemed to melt out of him in mere seconds, and as his body collapsed to the ground, she followed. 

She held him in her arms, and she could not be strong anymore. Her wall crashed down in one swift motion, and her grief clawed its way out of her. She screamed, hot tears trailing down her face as she stared up at the moon as if to ask it for help. She screamed until she broke her voice and her throat was raw, bowing her head as her fingers dug into Tamlen's skin. Sobs wracked her shoulders as everything that could've been flashed before her. 

They were supposed to get married, bonded. Supposed to live forever, together. She had never kissed him. She had never spent the night with him. She had never told him. All those years had blurred by so quickly, and what should have been shattered in mere seconds. Her heart ached in her chest, stuttering her breathing as she broke. 

Her eyes ran dry, leaving her gasping for air. She hadn't even realised the panic attack that had joined her grief. She barely heard Alistair telling Zevran to pull her away, barely felt Zevran's hands gathering her up and away from Tamlen. She felt numb. Broken. That scared her. 

"It's okay," Zevran said to her, but his voice did little to soothe her. Not when she was staring at Tamlen's body. 

"I… I want to bury him." She flinched when she heard her own voice. It was quiet and hoarse from her grief. 

They did. Buried him with an acorn so a strong oak tree would burst from his grave. She felt as if she should bury herself with him. 

"I am sorry," she said to her party as they all stared at the pile of dirt. "I… did not mean for you all to see me like that." 

They were silent. After all of this, she had been the strongest. She had listened to all their sad stories, had helped them through their suffering, and now, with her childhood friend and her first love dead by her hands, they did not know what to do for their broken companion, their shattered leader. 

"Lyna." Morrigan was the first to speak. "We had to listen to Alistair grovel on for weeks. 'Tis okay for you to grieve." 

She had to smile when she heard Alistair's offended response, but it did not reach her eyes. 

"It… was a mercy," Alistair said. "He would have met a fate far worse than this." 

She knew that. It did not make the pain lessen. 

She sighed and rubbed her face. She felt dirty. Tired. Her eyes were swollen and stinging, and she wanted nothing more than to sleep. Though with a Blight raging on, she doubted the Archdemon would be merciful enough to let her replenish from her broken heart. 

"We were never apart," she said, wrapping her arms around herself. "We were raised together. Did everything together. Coming to Ostagar was… the first time I did anything without him." Her voice cracked, and she urged herself not to cry again. "He had always been the one who wanted adventure. To roam the lands and see what trouble we could get into. I… preferred the quiet. The halla. and now look at us. He is gone, and I'm saving a bloody country without him." 

She doubled over, squeezing her eyes shut as a dry sob burst out of her chest. Zevran was quick to hold her, pulling her close and kissing her head. "But you are not alone, my Warden. we stand with you, until the very end." 

Her companions, though differing in many ways, agreed, and even though the world was ending and she had to piece it back together, she was not alone. She smiled as she hugged Zevran, and sent one last goodbye to Tamlen before building her wall back up.

**Author's Note:**

> i started playing through the series again and the dalish elf origin story always hurt me so-- here you go. you're welcome? 'tis a quick little oneshot, but i hope you enjoy!


End file.
